Monday, September 21, 2015

I Read A Parenting Book- And I Didn't Completely Agree

I like to read. So I read a lot, even if what I'm reading doesn't apply to me. So, when I was sick this weekend (now I'm recovering, should be at school tomorrow), I read this old parenting book from the 80s-90s called "Siblings Without Rivalry." And, as not the parent but the parent-ee, I realized that while the book did have some definitely good suggestions about helping kids when the fight, I realized that while a tip the book mentions did work in some cases, I didn't think I would, as the fighting sibling, respond to it well.

Click here for book details!
The tip was about how to respond when kids complain to you about the others. You should basically just repeat what they said to you and describe how they feel. "Brothers and sisters need to have their feelings about each other acknowledged with words that identify the feeling, with wishes, or with symbolic or creative activity," the book says on page 30.

I think this idea works great- in some scenarios. And I feel it works best with younger kids, for example:

Kid (3): Mom, Kaitlyn hit me.
Mom: Jacob, I bet you wish Kaitlyn would tell you what she wants instead of hit you. And Kaitlyn, you need to express your anger with words, not punches.

This is a situation when the technique works fine. But this is one where I feel like I'd just stay mad.

Kid (13): Maggie took all the cookies out of my lunch, and now there's no more cookies left.
Mom: You wish she'd leave some for you next time. You must be angry.

If I were the kid, I would think, yes, I am angry, but telling me that doesn't get me my cookies back. Maggie's a horrible sister!

So, you see, overall this is a great, helpful book. But like anything, there are things that can be adapted to fit your family. What do you think? Is this technique good or bad, or both?

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